I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
