We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
