distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
