I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
