first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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