Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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