You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
