I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
