I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
