Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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