Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
