people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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