Who did Billy Mays play for?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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