i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
