we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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