Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
