hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
