I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
