its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
