It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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