the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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