You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Im part way to drunk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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