I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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