you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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