I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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