So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
