First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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