I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
