bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
