Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
