if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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