omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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