I could make wine with my vomit
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
