Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
