Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
