that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
