Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize