fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
