I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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