I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
