found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
