I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
