didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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