tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
