Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
