My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
