you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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