They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
