just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
