All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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