My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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