I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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