we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
