If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
