That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize