umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
