i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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