this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
