Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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