fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
