i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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