yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
