I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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