you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize